easy as pie

I thought I would start blogging. I get home at night and have this mixture of cravings at times...to reflect upon the day, to grow towards tomorrow, to hop into the technological opportunities my new laptop has to offer. What better combination than on online blog? For now, we will see how it satisfies...hmmmmm....well at the moment.
I settle in.
I'm not certain I want anyone to read it. So I write it without that being a factor.
Numbing our senses...I will start there. Why not?

I heard that line the other day, a line that I spend much time pondering...
A psychologist was speaking on the subject that we humans spend so much time drowning, numbing, tuning much out, controlling often without conscious choice what we let in. Music, alcohol, television, books…how much time is spent in complete solitude and silence with clear focus on our thoughts, cravings, emotions, senses of smell, touch, taste… Often it is relaxing to drown it out. One has spent the day so focused, assuring that one makes the most of each moment, contemplates important decisions, so over stimulated...and when it comes time to retire for the day, reflection and growth might be the last thing one needs. But does one feel more relaxed with more stimulation and involvement? By reading a book, by turning on a tv show or a loved cd? It can be beneficial to let the mind be completely at rest. And certain people discover their mind in a state of rest during varying activities...television is not an activity of relaxation for me. No sir. Reading at times, but of course that depends upon the subject at hand.
When you spend energy numbing your senses, disquieting your surroundings and mind, you are spending time and energy to be unproductive, whether that productivity leads to achieving a goal, accomplishing a small task at hand, or becoming more in tune and thus more in the skin of the person one desires to be.

This is all really stemming from the end of a holiday season…I was writing a friend about my birthday experiences. I turned 25 recently and had mixed emotions about it. Though I was little in tune with the emotions that made me feel sad. I would cry and not really understand why. I could definitely rationalize the sad emotion away, explain to myself why I felt that way thus creating the opportunity to not feel the sad emotion. But I wasn’t sure that was the reason. And I wasn’t sure I didn’t want to feel or just be in the emotion. It was the end of the holidays…months had just passed, spent surrounded by family and friends, gatherings filled with love, cheer, food, drinks, activity…months had passed full of activity that encourages people to just be as present in the moment as possible, grateful for those around you, without desire of anything more. I work on a school schedule, and due to the holiday, kids were on break and work was slow. I tried to find things to do, didn’t feel that needed or productive or that my work was as meaningful as I desire. We were experiencing a huge storm, and my ski team was not able to go to the snow.

My birthday occurred before this really short-term era ended, and birthdays are a time for reflection: upon where they are in life, what they are spending their time doing, what they accomplished this year, if they got steps closer to where and who they want to be, where they want to be in the upcoming year or five. Having a birthday at the close of a holiday season can be treacherous. It can bring feelings of loneliness: gatherings of family and friends have dissipated. It can bring feelings of obligation; people have spent a month partying, eating, drinking, spending money and are now in a different state of mind when one desires to have a celebration for a birthday. Feelings of inadequacy: the last weeks have been spent in a fog of cheer and merriment, with less time spent on accomplishment of goals, work, tuning into desires…
I am sure there are others who had a birthday around this time and felt differently this year: they were more optimistic and felt grateful for all those with whom they had just spent much time; they felt excitement for the opportunity to start a new year being more productive, energized after some much-needed time off. I share in these feelings.

My birthday is over, though I will spend the day celebrating with my mom. We often do a mother-daughter day about a month after the day has passed (when both of us find time in a now-buisy schedule) and do all the things we always wish to do but never find time to do it.
I am grateful to be alive, thankful that I am who I am, appreciative for my position in life right now. I am very excited and a little anxious for what is to come next. I feel like I am creating it everyday, and there is little better feeling than that in my book. Happy 2008 and happy 25years.

and now I return to the title of this blog. I desired to fulfill cravings for reflection, self-expression, and use of new technology. How easy it is in this day and age to get exactly what one thinks they want. And just like that, I have blogged.