Sapphische Ode

So my voice instructor gave me a new assignment.
It's a song in German by Brahms. It was inspired by a poem controversial in its time because the author was a woman AND it was well-known, and partly because the poem was about the Libyan Amazon Queen Myrina who led an army of women that conqured many lands including the Greek Island called Lesbos.
Anyway, I accept the challenge of singing in German.

Newspapers and Tea

So lately, I've been journaling more than posting. I've been arriving at intense thoughts and ideas at various times throughout the day and have not wanted to interrupt their progressions by finding a computer.
But I will recap one from today:
We're supposed love, aren't we?
Designed to, meant to...
And when we are not, not reaching or fulfilling our great potential.
Can we approach ourselves this way?
As a being we can set out to love? Entering a relationship with ourselves?
Every activity/separated moment approached this way?
We are then in multiple relationships if we enter another...
balance.

There is more to come on this...
But since, I've had quite a bit of fun going on mini dates with my self.
Treating my self pretty well... Hey, guess I can be a pretty good girlfriend...

November 14th 2004

So, I had a date yesterday. We were going to go see Bridget Jone's Diary, cause we both have been in the mood, but it was sold out. SO we went to The Kickstand. My bought my date a 16 oz. cappuccino. I got a drip coffee. With creamer and one refill. A little cinnamon for the holiday time of year. We chatted, then chatted over homework: my date studying biochem, me planning the future of psychology and the philosophy of science in general. Though we bought tickets to see Saw while we were at the theater and we and arrived before the previews began, we still had to sit in the very front row. With no seats in front of us and the appearance of no others around, we both felt very exposed and vulnerable to the horror of the film. But we decided it best that we were as close as we were to the emergency exit anyway, just in case we had to make a break for it. We both screamed, often at differing parts, clutched at each other's arms, and even jumped to close the space between us. It was a pretty good flick. After a bathroom break due to the caffeine bliss before, we sat in my date's jeep, warming our hands on the heater and debriefing from the movie. We decided to take a left turn at the first light we came to, because neither of us had been down that road before. We came to a Taco Bell, and I offered to buy Tacos. After rummaging through small bills and change, we decided to go out on a limb and came away with the new beef and potatoe burrito and a new been burrito especial. Special it was. No 7 layer burrito, that's for sure. So we drove, never a dull moment, talking about things we like to do, books we like to read, movies the other should see, watching the list grow of things we need to do together, until we ran into a giant tea kettle, which happened to be Bob's Java Jive, which we were both really excited about because had never been there, had only heard of the place. Plus, it's a giant tea kettle! So, we went back to my house and enjoyed our burritos and poked a lot of fun at the Music Awards that my housemates were watching with our friend Richard. Then I proclaimed that I was tired, my date did too, so stood up and left. The goodbye was a little ackward: thank yous exchanged and the possiblity of a goodnight hug or kiss. With the shut of the front door, Tove's bedroom one opened and she beckoned me into her bed so we could giggle as I told her all about my evening.
That was my date.
Hope there is another soon.

More to come...

I heard the notes of Sigouros last evening.
And by night I had given a long awaited hug to Adam.
Felt called to pick up Surfing the Himalayas.
Enlightenment, Katmandu, and snow.
Meditation.
Thoughts dive into the moment.
Read or gift?
This may become a record of coincidences to track.
This morning's thought was about people's purposes in life...
Some are living with the thought of finding themselves with a perfect partner.
Some, a career that brings them a good amount of money.
Others, for frisbee.
Many, for a belief in a life for God and His afterworld.
Am I living mine for myself solely

Assent

The neighbors have Christmas lights in the windows and along the fence. I smile, strolling by, walking in my world of headphones and houses.
I wrote my Grandpa today.
Stuck the letter in the box and pulled up the little red flag.
925 118th St. That's our box.
Bought someone a smile.
A dollar bill and 2 quarters in a cup.
Candy canes for soldiers.
Some.
Some.
Some.
Some.
Means not none.
Not none.
Sitting in the Spar the other night, I met a fan of psychology.
At one point while listening to him I could only hear words, then syllables, then sounds...
I knew what his mind knew from the sounds he was making.
Tove is making art on the livingroom floor.
She captured life on 4 rolls in a pizza parlor.
Red and white checkers. Lines. And lips.

Ivory

timedly
beginning to drop
cautiously
they trickel
falling
comfortably
frantically
they pour
melodiously wrenching with rhythm
Can't run them away
flailing
exhaustedly returning
in sweetness, always.

How am I not myself?

I have been looking forward to seeing I heart Huckabies since I saw its preview as a coming attraction for Garden State. I finally watched it today.
Follow your bliss...not what the content of the movie makes me think of, just the fact that I wanted to see it knowing that it would fall under the more clearly developing genre? I follow.
The Wild Hope conference was good. Made me think of following my bliss...how this IS my vocation in life. And THIS is my vocation. Right now. I am constantly preparing myself for what my bliss may lead me to next.
So the movie. Yes. As good as what I expected.
A point I raised at the conference was about how typical it is of every generation to feel that big change is looming in the air and theirs will be the generation to see/develop it. Recognizing this is not quite falling victim to it, yet is, in the recognition...but one of many wise and inquisitive souls i interacted with this Saturday offered a reply that yes, big change can/does/will happen for generations. Act.
Anyway, the movie...strikes a chord because a mainstream movie was made about the change in view I think is taking place within my generation. So it will continue.
Content of the movie? among much: the need for a synthesis of opposing philosophies to show that the two are only fractions of the truth and together can accomplish much more to evolve human understanding and approach to existence...I did a little justice, perhaps.
One philosophy was definitely favored by the producer. I lean this way too. It seems more holistic in itself. Going to check out the website now...

and what is it with people wanting to work on the computer closest to you, while 5 of them are open 20 feet away?!?!

Frustration

Have I mentioned lately how much I despise the library? Ahhhhhh!
I mean, I love being here. I love how studious I can feel when I am efficient, a cup of coffee in hand, researching some past explorations of a new idea I have, or brushing up before an important test...
but I HATE how my peers think I am in here to be social.
"What am I doing?"
Working, I tell you, working! What does it look like?!
So let me...without the reliable interruption every 5 minutes.

Introspection

Excerpts:
When Catell was completing his doctorate with Wundt at Leipzig he wrote a letter home to his parents, just over 120 years ago:

8 October 1884
"...But if we wish to describe the world--which is the end of science--surely an accurate knowledge of our mind is more important than anything else. ...[I]f one thinks that knowledge for its own sake is worth the pursuit, then surely a knowledge of mind is best of all. Not only is the mind of man of infinitely more worth and importance than anything else, but on its nature the whole world depends."

Titchener insisted that his observers had to be highly trained. In effect, they were to become introspecting machines.

I just got offered by my most stimulating professor thus far to help him with his personal research. I am beaming with pride. Pride? Will I accept his offer? I am going to take community psych with him over J-term.

Wild Hope

Is it the education I have recieved from PLU that leads me to desire a life of thoughtful inquiry, service, leadership, and care for persons, communities, earth, and universe? Or did I seek out this educational opportunity?
In this time of vocational exploration occuring in my life, it only seems appropriate that a conference-like program Wild Hope is coming to campus this weekend.

Dr. Sharon Parks, author of Big Questions, Worthy Dreams: Mentoring Young Adults in their Search for Meaning, Purpose, and Faith has given much thought to the questions humans ask as they fully discover their freedom and opportunities. She recognizes that when we consider our place in and contributions to the world, we ask ourselves some questions. She writes:


When the formation of a Dream is inspired, it is formed in response to six questions
1) Does the Dream enliven me? Do I feel energy flowing in me when I think about it?
2) Does the Dream align with my values?
3) Do I need help from God, Spirit, the Holy One, to make this dream come true?
4) Will this Dream require me to grow into more of my true self? Is it big enough so I can become a new person somehow in persueing it? Is it worth the investment of a lifetime?
5) Will the dream ultimately bless others?
6) Is it concrete? Can I take a step into the living of that Dream that will make other steps possible?

We hopefully pursue the Dream of which we answer yes to these questions.
I have been giving much thought to the last question, what concrete path can I take to functionally encompase my Dream?
Do I seek the path that best concretely can encompass my Dream, or do I pick a more phisophical path to further develope my Dream?

It's now, it's right now

I just turned in my application for graduation. Come May, I will be released into the wild. I hope it will feel that way...I don't want to feel constraint or confinement 7 months from now. 7 months. Actually that is still quite a ways away. A ways away. A great deal can happen in 7 months. Usually a great deal does. A great deal can happen in a moment. A great deal does.

I had a great chat with Dino Halloween night, after the usual movie bout on their couches, about his accident. His world changed in a split second. And in a state of shock, he still found a way to be humorous, while he teetered on the edge of life and death. A previous movie night entailed the movie The Butterfly Effect. This one definitely earned a spot in my respectable movies list. It was thought provoking: just another reminder that life is occurring now and every decision, every THOUGHT effects the next and therefore the rest of one's life.

I had a conversation the other day with an elderly man. He was exhibiting a table at a recent conference I attended. We talked about the stages of life and he informed me that though he loved his life at my age, he was so happy to be 80 years old and would not choose to be my age again. Life is tough at this age, he recalled. Though it is beneficial to have the world at your fingertips, it can be very overwhelming to face the endless opportunities possible to you everyday. We talked about how we don't get much practice making many choices before we are bombarded with them in our early 20s; or at least we do not discuss this situation as it approaches, so we are not aware that the smaller choices we are making before becoming an adult are good practice for the very important decisions one will make in the future. When we both had to go about our day, he let me CHOOSE any little treasure off of his table. I now have a t-shirt that reads Citizen of the World and features 100s of flags from many nations.

I was at a conference for International Educators. I felt like a little kid at a candy store for the two days I attended. Many opportunities to be employed in areas that cater to my interests: international relations, cultural education and understanding, a more interconnected globe, travel, advising, leading, variety, community...
I am making connections, they tell me. My name and face are known, which is the most beneficial strategy for career advancement in this field. That and passion as well as ambition. Those they assume I have, as I have gotten my name and face out there.