quick recap

Summer's having a great grand finale
Just saw What the *(&#*! Do WE Know for the third time.
The weekend ended with 3 hours of Ultimate in my precious town of Nevada City
before which I came from Washington (the river/town, that is) which no summer experience would be complete without...
before which I came from an amazing ragae festival full of camping, dancing, swinging, playing monopoly...
before which I came from a day at the state fair with my wonderful grandmother and cousin...
It's been amazing.
The body and mind have been very busy. Balanced.
Life is one giant vacation, it's yours for the taking.

Warriors

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...
Do the thing you think you cannot do."

Eleanor Roosevelt

Learning love

Never have I been on the recieving end of so much love, or at least made aware that I am. And I am dealing with it well. The little inconvieniences that come with another thinking the world of you I recognize are little signs of love: love is the only source. And there is nothing negative for me, or not worth my while, when it comes to love. I most certainly have everything to gain from it. While I would normally be feeling soffocated or like my identity is being threatened, I now go about my business and occasionally remember there is someone who would do anything for me. More and more frequently this thought occurs until I find myself acting less selfishly and taking this love into account, including this being and their feelings.

I just got back from a backpacking trip with Lance, my dog. It was the first time I had been alone with him for an extended amount of time. And alone we were. His protection, gratitdue, and inquisition was concentrated on one person. And it was intense. But hiking with him has taught me to adjust, comprimise, accept, and be patient. WIth him comes responsibility and commitment, but safety and companionship as well.

I had a dream last night that I feel in love. With a human being, that is. I was at Mideval Times, but it was much different: casual, more interactive, etc. I was watching from a wall and one of the performers came and flirted with another sitting by me, as part of the show. But he ended up sitting on my lap for most of the performance. Next thing I know I am leaving his house after meeting his mom and we are cruising down the street on one of those mobile town tour excursions and being very close, open, and having a lot of fun. I wasn't holding anything back and I actually liked the guy: those two things occur but rarely hand in hand.

blistful buzz...

It's my dad's birthday weekend...funny how we milk the world for as long as we can when an excuse comes around for a little attention. Anyway, I took him to a private Leo Kottky concert on a hill top in Nevada City. Oh, what a town. It was a beautiful night, full of people who appreciate stars and local wineries. My bum got stung by bees...but blistfully balanced: two on each cheak. Tomorrow we are going to visit with my grandpa, then I am introducing my dad to pickup ulitmate frisbee...the Ultimate birthday present, if you don't mind me saying.
Well, reading in bed is sounding remarkable :)

What a long strange trip it's been

The past few days have been the kind that bring tears with the realization of how truly beautiful your life is. And nothing spectacular has occured, just one beautiful thing after another, but that indeed is what a resplendent life is about, is it not?
I made my parents a wonderful dinner the other night and we shared it over a bottle of delicious zinfindel and the usual conversation. THough it is often a conscious effort, I am beggining it use more patience with those two so I can more enjoy my time with them...which really is getting farther inbetween visits that grow shorter. THere is just so many incredible things to do around this time and general area that I find myself not wanting to sit still.
So then I headed to my pals Matt and Mike's beer leauge saoftball game, in which I got a couple base hits...oh, good times. Randy, Sarah, and Lo showed up. I forget how much fun I have playing softball. I have been craving team sports so much lately. That night I found myself laying for hours on the heat of my parent's concrete driveway under a sky alive with stars with a dog for a pillow. Talked to Jesse for quite a while. His serenity has a way of stirring spirit within me, getting me on fire. He has been dating a gal the past couple months, who excites him a lot, but her little annoyances and conversations like his and mine make him over anylize and question the relationship. hmmmm, that reminds me of a little someone I know.
So the next day, the gals and I headed up for our anual Ta-hoes reuion. ANd what a blast that was. We played frisbee and beachvollyball at Zepher over a few beers then snuck our behinds into Harveys. We got all dolled up, then headed out for a night on the town. Which was not as wild as our many previous years of nights together. We all claim that we are all getting a bit older, slower. But I think we just enjoy our time together. What a great group of gals we are. Pretty lucky, pretty lucky. Larkyn, Lauren, and I talk of getting some land and starting a sort of community. Well, yes, a commune, who are we kidding. ANyway, the drive home was great, after the traditional breakfast at the Red Hut.
On a coffee break during the drive around that awe-inspiring lake, I caught eyes with a smaller black man, sitting quitely wawaiting his lunch. He immediately stopped writing, stood up, and said "Come here, sister." We exchanged a hug and he said, "Some people are just worth standing up for." It was a great moment between gentle souls. The pool welcomed us back, then we all got ready for the fair. Oh, the fair. Now a days it consists of schmoozing and boozing at the beer gardens...little else. But it is always a blast, none the less, to run into people you havn't seen in years. When the place shut down, we brought back the old times and brought a party to the Robertson Hotel.
My brother, his girlfriend, Caroline, my dad, dog and I went to the American river the next day. We stopped and saw Carl's property on the way home. What a breath-taking view. The Forest Hill bridge is a little eiry, yes, but the dam on lake Clementine to the left brings a peaceful balance. We stopped at Ikeada's for smoothies, jumped off of Eagle's point and floated down the Bear River.
I have fallen in love all over again with water. No wonder they use it for thearapy. THe weightlessness. Like a child. I bounce. Floating. Watching through a dreamy lense. I learned to do the butterfly. What an incredible feeling. The motion. As well as knowing I can really do almost anything I really want, with some time and effort. Just have to decide what you want. Deliberation.
Anyway, we had a feast that night, after which I met the Robertsons at Coopers to watch the Mermen. It was a beautiful night. Scotty and his pals, Laurie and her sister and boyfriend, Meghan and her's, and many others showed up and we all just danced the night away. Simply beautiful. Kate schofered all our silly drunken butts home.
Yesterday morning the power was out. My mama and I did facials and ate pancakes, then I played Life with the kids of the clients my dad was meeting with. Then Rose and I took the surf board out on Eric Rakestraw's $80,000 boat and we all had a blast. Rose and I impressed the lads with our tandem boarding. Surfboarding. WHat silly humans we were, entertaining ourselves. But with the georgous company of Jonny B, Eric, nathen, and Kyle Rutherford, everyone with a beer in hand, the glassy lake and the music of a new AMAZING artis, Donovan frankenster? it was a dream-like afternoon. We zonked out that night watching the olympics, eating Keith's crazy hot chili and cherry garcia.
Today we decided we are going down to Encenatas to camp on the beach for a couple nights and surf. Oh, what a summer.
Peace, love, patience, kindness.

Don't miss out...

http://www.renegadeshows.com/festivals.html#venue

Clear reflection

Well, another place to add to the list of amazing spots I've found myself stretching. Alburqurque, New Mexico. I never would have thought I'd come here, but it's been amazing. The ever changing skys stretch for miles of clouds that occasionally gather for an unexpected lightning performance. The bluffs and dry, rugged hills jut against the horizon creating the appearance of a child's construction paper cutouts.
And the circumstances that brought me here have been thought provoking.
And here's a whole new way I am going to give a shot for expressing them.

I read a quote yesterday in a museum in Santa Fe called the Awakening Experience that didn't impress me much at the time, but stuck with me and my thoughts of this summer.
"We do not remember days, We remember moments" Cesare Pavese”


These past few months have been full of some memorable moments. With my over-achieving nature, I thought I would root myself in Tacoma, thinking that my next biggest challenge would be to stay put in one place for more than 3 months, rather than the usual busying of myself on the move doing something new. But in hindsite, I realize my most healthy challenge was admitting that I'm not as strong as I think I have to be and to be okay cutting myself a little slack. And boy howdy am I glad I did.

I got to spend the first few weeks in Tacoma working at the Spar eery night making some dough and pretty good friends. I'm happy I headed back to Grass Valley after that. Nothing like old friends and surroundings for a little reminder of who you are and all you've been working towards. A little clarity. Though I've recognized the freedom of not limiting yourself by living with your personality traits completely influencing your actions, I've also realized how fiery I feel when I use them to my advantage and when I remember the goals those traits urge me strive for.
Then in one day I woke up in a tent with my Rosie in the Sierra Nevadas of California and found myself partying on the beach in Mexico the same night. And after a few weeks in Santa Barbara getting a little taste of California college life, I find myself here recalling the MOMENTS.

Meredith and I singing Rent from the top of our lungs after seeing it live in Tacoma.
Eating take out Thai food and watching movies with Haley after bashing on Kathy all day for packing and moving her shit.
Ordering endless amounts of bar food on a rainy Sunday spar afternoon, playing rummy with my coworker Danny.
Samba dancing with Carlee at Folklife.
Freezing my buns off and screaming my lungs out with Patrick at the Enchanted Village.
Getting stalked by truck drivers on my way home after crashing my car in Portland.
Sunset golf rounds with my parents.
The sound of Rosie's voice when she shouted to my worried aunt, uncle, dog, dad, and I that she finally spotted our lilly pad-filled lake for which we'd been searching for hours.
Beer and fish tacos for breakfast...need I say more?
Laying on the beach in Santa B. after surfing...Rose, Josh, and I in silence, eyes closed, trying to recall a new memory.
The way it felt to hug my second mama, Kate.
A release of emotions upon a complete stranger.
The sting in out feet after a full game of Ultimate, wearing flipflops in a field of sage brush.
Being with an amazing friend the week of her wedding and hugging her goodbye on her honeymoon night.
Doing nothing but think, listen, and occasionally open my mouth by candle light with a comfortable blanket and company of Aaron Bell, warm beer, and good music.
It feels good to be able to think again.
I think I'll keep it up.

Smokey

Welp, I'm finally on fire again. I was gripping life too strongly for a period of time, afriad to slip, but carefully dying but now I slip out of the routine...what is expected of me. By me. I come home and people like to verbally remind me that I'm unpredictable, a fountain of joy, a dreamer and achiever and I feel like a liar. Like they only saw in me what they needed to see. In me? or in themselves. More than likely in me for themselves...
But my spirit is back. They do not lie, only offer a gentle slap in the face to a person who almost died peacfully in her sleep. Nothing is achieved without conflict, chaos, oh mighty creator of motion. Even the Dali Lama proclaims that. Perhaps I was just stalled in the most conflicting time I have ever expirienced and so much energy has built in that stoicness that I will explode with more creative energy than I have ever harnessed. I need to reflect upon my childhood more. I think our personality traits will always return and be grounded in those roots no matter how far we try to stray. More than likely because the compliments and discouragments endlessly recieved in early years saturate our perceptions of ourselves and we end up resting on them as basic reference points to which we can return and "know" how we should respond to situations or limit ourselves in the face of overwhelming possibilities...but none the less, the times I find mine to be pretty positive, beneficial, so why not use um, right? Can't I play the game for once instead of fighting it?
So I'm not the only thing on fire. The town of Colfax California is burning up. People are having to evacuate their homes. I remember this happening one other time. All the neighbors gathered at my house to assess the situation because ours rested at the top of the hill. We all decided to give the firemen an hour before we started packing up our prized possessions. Ended up it was my best friend Rosie's house that was charred. And there I was worrying about leaving behind the tree under which I had planted my pet rat Buddy.
pretty tired...