Imagine

Imagine snow falling to
Two step. Can you see it?
Too
Flakes fall syncopated. Do you hear?
The wafts of stolen India exploring my home.
Seeping into souls
Never alone. Can’t you smell it?
Just like being there
Being here now
Imagine

Ready

Yesterday was bad. And I thought it would get worse. But I feel a bit better. Lonely winter shakes my soul and I sob to the very core of my bones. But today is better. And I always know how to make it so and I always know it will be. But it doesn’t make the times of pain any more trivial. And it does not mean I cannot own the sorrow. True sorrow. But I had the energy to make it better. And I do not fear the next wave. I know it will come, and probably pretty soon. But surprisingly today, I glow from the inside out. I smile with love for myself and what is good and what surrounds me. January is usually pretty great and February normally my least favorite month. This past month was not the best and I predicted February to be pretty challenging. I throw hope to the wind that I had it backwards rather than be part of an underestimation. But I will endure either way. And be grateful none-the-less. To the adventure and journey that is life…!

If my senses fail, stay with me till they go...

I'm pretty tired. I knew in the midst of the past slower-paced month that this craziness would come and I would run like a rat on a wheel, enjoying it of course, but sleeping less, having less opportunity to read, less time to complete lists of tasks that need to get done: taxes, voting, fixing tires, sending thank yous, writing grandmas, visiting nieces,...and the time is here. And my body always gives me signs!

In a rush today, I jammed my finger skiing. I cannot bend my right ring finger without a shooting pain up my arm and a dull stomach ache. This in combination with a burned left hand makes showering quite difficult. Yet nothing felt better after a day on the hill. So cold today! We're in for another 10 days of snow, it appears. But I leave tomorrow for a conference in Sacramento. A week of rain for me. Looking forward to it, though. Networking with people doing what I do all over the state, meeting with legislators, getting some creative inspiration, conference food...oh, the little things :)

Anyway, I am tired, and busy, and it feels good.

Now that you finally felt, just like you said you would, down to the last detail...

on fire

I burnt my left hand to the second degree at 6 am yesterday morning making oatmeal while half asleep (half awake? does this make me a pessimist? :) I forced a ski glove on my hand and sweat in there all day. Today I discovered the relief of Viks Vaporub. Whether this is good for a burn or not, oh, how good it feels...
Sir Moses Munchkin, the royal rat despises the odor. I can only imagine how intense it feels to his nose, his sense of smell being at LEAST 100xs more acute than mine, I'm sure, and I'm quite taken aback by it. Sorry Munch. Sorry hand. I will try my hardest to not pour boiling water on you tomorrow morning. I don't think you will let it slip my mind.

Inspirational friends

I receive a weekly email from a man in who operates a spiritual center in Grass Valley. each week he sends a topic to ponder for the week, some questions to reflect upon, some history of human understanding and evolution of the subject. This week was INSPIRATION.

I was reminded of that as I went to type the title of this blog. I was inspired to write after finally looking at my friend Minerva's blog. I am now have this new avenue to keep myself updated on her feelings, thoughts, fears, events, visitors, new family...and to let her know how much I think about her and love her. I am so grateful to have her blog in my life.

The rationality that would follow is that I can blogg and offer this option to others in my life. Nope, i'm much too selfish. Her blogg appears to be such a wonderful way for her to reflect, express, get perspective...and I will take any opportunity I can get! Eventually I will consolidate it into one (okay, or two) concentrated places where I express through written word...I think this laptop with Internet at my fingertips might influence that. Easy as pie!

So back to the weekly reflection of inspiration:

WHO IS INSPIRED BY ME? my skiers, the youth in my mentoring groups (more so the high school students than the middle school proteges), Travis I believe, my Grandmothers, Julie, my mom at times.

WHAT QUALITIES MAKE ONE INSPIRING? vivacious, courageous, adventurous, committed, caring, risk-taking, creative

WHO HAS BEEN MOST INSPIRING TO ME? Grandpa Miller, my pops, Travis, Rose, Minerva, Meradith, Aaron, Kera, Ocean, Ryan

WHAT SITUATIONS HAVE INSPIRED MY LIFE? In general: taking risks and independently approaching new situations, places, and tasks, making decisions, being talented and capable at hobbies...more specifically: skiing, hiking, piano, going to college (and importantly, @ PLU), studying philosophy, psychology, and peace, outdoor recreation, traveling and working in Alaska, traveling in Spain, Panama, France, Mexico, Working in france, working with coalitions in Grass Valley, applying for graduate school

WHAT FEELINGS ARISE IN MY BODY WHEN I AM FULL OF INSPIRATION? hope, light and airiness, special, potential, love, care, importance

What better gift than that of inspiration...it is a feeling of renewal and potential, that you are surrounded by a loving, accepting world that desires all your love, power, and capabilities...a world that can be impacted by your thoughts and actions and will be all the better for it.

Give the gift of inspiration!

easy as pie

I thought I would start blogging. I get home at night and have this mixture of cravings at times...to reflect upon the day, to grow towards tomorrow, to hop into the technological opportunities my new laptop has to offer. What better combination than on online blog? For now, we will see how it satisfies...hmmmmm....well at the moment.
I settle in.
I'm not certain I want anyone to read it. So I write it without that being a factor.
Numbing our senses...I will start there. Why not?

I heard that line the other day, a line that I spend much time pondering...
A psychologist was speaking on the subject that we humans spend so much time drowning, numbing, tuning much out, controlling often without conscious choice what we let in. Music, alcohol, television, books…how much time is spent in complete solitude and silence with clear focus on our thoughts, cravings, emotions, senses of smell, touch, taste… Often it is relaxing to drown it out. One has spent the day so focused, assuring that one makes the most of each moment, contemplates important decisions, so over stimulated...and when it comes time to retire for the day, reflection and growth might be the last thing one needs. But does one feel more relaxed with more stimulation and involvement? By reading a book, by turning on a tv show or a loved cd? It can be beneficial to let the mind be completely at rest. And certain people discover their mind in a state of rest during varying activities...television is not an activity of relaxation for me. No sir. Reading at times, but of course that depends upon the subject at hand.
When you spend energy numbing your senses, disquieting your surroundings and mind, you are spending time and energy to be unproductive, whether that productivity leads to achieving a goal, accomplishing a small task at hand, or becoming more in tune and thus more in the skin of the person one desires to be.

This is all really stemming from the end of a holiday season…I was writing a friend about my birthday experiences. I turned 25 recently and had mixed emotions about it. Though I was little in tune with the emotions that made me feel sad. I would cry and not really understand why. I could definitely rationalize the sad emotion away, explain to myself why I felt that way thus creating the opportunity to not feel the sad emotion. But I wasn’t sure that was the reason. And I wasn’t sure I didn’t want to feel or just be in the emotion. It was the end of the holidays…months had just passed, spent surrounded by family and friends, gatherings filled with love, cheer, food, drinks, activity…months had passed full of activity that encourages people to just be as present in the moment as possible, grateful for those around you, without desire of anything more. I work on a school schedule, and due to the holiday, kids were on break and work was slow. I tried to find things to do, didn’t feel that needed or productive or that my work was as meaningful as I desire. We were experiencing a huge storm, and my ski team was not able to go to the snow.

My birthday occurred before this really short-term era ended, and birthdays are a time for reflection: upon where they are in life, what they are spending their time doing, what they accomplished this year, if they got steps closer to where and who they want to be, where they want to be in the upcoming year or five. Having a birthday at the close of a holiday season can be treacherous. It can bring feelings of loneliness: gatherings of family and friends have dissipated. It can bring feelings of obligation; people have spent a month partying, eating, drinking, spending money and are now in a different state of mind when one desires to have a celebration for a birthday. Feelings of inadequacy: the last weeks have been spent in a fog of cheer and merriment, with less time spent on accomplishment of goals, work, tuning into desires…
I am sure there are others who had a birthday around this time and felt differently this year: they were more optimistic and felt grateful for all those with whom they had just spent much time; they felt excitement for the opportunity to start a new year being more productive, energized after some much-needed time off. I share in these feelings.

My birthday is over, though I will spend the day celebrating with my mom. We often do a mother-daughter day about a month after the day has passed (when both of us find time in a now-buisy schedule) and do all the things we always wish to do but never find time to do it.
I am grateful to be alive, thankful that I am who I am, appreciative for my position in life right now. I am very excited and a little anxious for what is to come next. I feel like I am creating it everyday, and there is little better feeling than that in my book. Happy 2008 and happy 25years.

and now I return to the title of this blog. I desired to fulfill cravings for reflection, self-expression, and use of new technology. How easy it is in this day and age to get exactly what one thinks they want. And just like that, I have blogged.